May 2, 2011 § Leave a comment
Our help is in the name of the Lord, who made heaven and earth. (Psalm 124:8)
He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him. (Psalm 126:6)
I remember thinking ahead to how much time I had before this month arrived. May meant that it would almost be June. June meant that we would leave for our trip to the Dominican Republic. Leaving for the trip also meant leaving our son behind.
I know it’s only a short time, 9 days to be exact, but looking out at that time frame feels long.
My heart hurts to think about this. But my heart knows that God has called me to go on this trip. I am filled with so many thoughts of anxiety about all that needs to be accomplished this month. Check marks are running through my mind for the endless lists that I have yet to write. I’m scared.
Scared of stepping into the car on June 6 to embark on a trip away from our son. Yes, I’ll be with my husband, and I’ll be with a fabulous group of kids.
But as I read through Psalms this morning, I was gently reminded that God is with me now, and will continue to be with me then. Why am I going on this trip? Why am I choosing to step out of my comfort zone, and choosing to leave our son for 9 days? Why do that?
Because it’s what God wants me to do. He wants me to serve Him. He wants me to follow Him. He wants me to hear Him. To speak to Him, to love Him. And He said, ” Go Carrie.”
My doubts come. They will. I know that sweet little boy that God gave us will be loved and cared for. I also know Satan likes to prey on my emotions as much as he can. And he does. He dances on them so much I just want to pull the rug out from him to let him fall hard.
God has been encouraging me along the way though.
Last week we applied for our passports. It was late to sign up for them, but it was harder to get an appointment than I thought. I remember looking at the little 2 1/2″ by 2 1/2″ photo and feeling a peace. It felt like I was saying, ” this is it…here we go.” And we did. Signed, stapled and mailed. Our passports our on their way. This is how it’s been. Almost a process. A gradual stepping to lead up to June 6. One thing at a time has been checked off, and my heart has been peaceful each time.
Yesterday morning in church, we were singing a song of praise to God and I started thinking ahead to the upcoming trip. I was praying, in my spirit. The kind of prayer where you don’t have words but you sense God hears your heart as it’s moved. And I looked in front of us to see the back of a little child standing there following along quietly. My heart was moved with compassion as I thought of the children in the DR. The faces I have yet to see, the people I have yet to meet. Do they know about God? Do they know how loved they are? Will I be able to show them? Me, a person that doesn’t even speak the language?
My heart is getting prepared. My soul is opening up. I’ll be ready.
But this month is one that will be spent in prayer. I already know it will be hard to set apart that time. But I know I need it. I need my God, I need His help. As I search Him each day I am reminded of Psalm 124:8- He is my help. And I am also mindful of Psalm 126:6- my tears now are for the days I will be away from our sweet boy, but I pray for tears of compassion and heartache for the ones we will meet, the ones we will reach many miles away. That these tears will be turned into joy, for the precious Truth we will leave with others.