Fear of prayer

January 28, 2011 § Leave a comment

I feel as though God is speaking and I am again trying hard to listen. I’m praying for boldness, not only to speak but to listen. I’m finding myself scared to pray for certain things for fear that He will say, “Yes, that’s exactly what I want you to do”. But I’m feeling like I need to pray, and also release my fears to Him. This is the turning point isn’t it? The moment we step out and fully trust Him for our present and future, knowing He may very well lead you to a place you are scared of.

I was talking about this early today with Jonah and even though I know this in my heart, I still wanted to voice it out loud…maybe as a reminder to myself, a challenge even. I said how often we can be scared to pray about doing a certain thing, or going to a certain place, but even while we may be fearful of it, once we are there, there is a joy and peace that comes with it that reassures us we are where we need to be- where we are supposed to be. So why do we fear ahead of time? Well that’s easy. It’s new, it’s unplanned (in our checklist life), it’s not knowing.

The not knowing is what gets me. How can I continue without fear without knowing what’s to come? I don’t even know what will happen tomorrow. I’m trusting in God for today, and how He will help me, teach me, speak to me today. Perhaps this is what and all I need to focus on. I die daily.

My heart is still scared, to pray the words I almost dread. But I know that’s exactly what I need to do.

Releasing this fear to God now, praying for His will, and strength. And praying in detail for the very things I’m scared and unsure of.

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